two-0-one-0

happy new year to me,
happy new......................*cricket noises*.............oh..nevermind.


Happy New Year to..um..whoever might stumble across this post :D

nostalgia.

Its been a two week layoff from work. Frankly I needed the break. Everything felt suffocating and mundane so it was good to finally break away from it all and completely isolate myself from something that was beginning to get extremely unnerving.

While I feel refreshed and back to a good frame of mind, the day before I return to work, I also felt the return of that familiar feeling of nostalgia and emptiness. For a while now I've known the reason for this usually stems from something along the lines of me wondering if I've achieved anything significant in my life. I find myself ruing time spent but lamenting over unfortunate circumstances as well.

Today I said goodbye to a long time friend, heading for college in the States. I couldn't help but feel that people were moving on with their lives, accomplishing something worthwhile, while I'm stagnated. "Selfish?" - I ask myself, but to be honest I really don't know. It isn't helped by the fact that I'm slowly starting to panic about the fact that I've just turned twenty four (Yes men usually panic when they hit 30 but I figured why not get a head start?)

I'm clueless about where my life is taking me right now and I wish it didn't have to be affected by circumstances beyond my control but that is how it is and its what I've accepted, but there are moments when that overwhelming feeling of hopelessness washing over you is just impossible to ignore. How you miss the times when your worst fear was if you'd miss the 4:30 cartoon on a Saturday evening.

Life was much simpler back then.

Cheers to nostalgia, how I love you so.

24.

happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to me,
happy birthday dear me,
happy birthday to me.

*claps*

you've got mail.

Dear 16 Year Old Sela,

Well...hello there. Lets face it, you and I never did mince around too much with words. It was always in our heads, contemplating, pondering, swinging two and fro, wandering what the future holds. Well let me tell you that almost eight years later, remnants of all that still remains but you've become an entirely new person.

I know right now you feel utterly lost and insecure. Right now friends are people you hang out with 8AM through 2PM, girls are like the bermuda triangle, home is a sanctuary all to yourself and Robotech is the coolest invention in the history of mankind (We still think its ubber cool btw). You miss dad, you want mum to be happy and you desperately want to know how to make it work. You've also got no clue who you want to grow up to be though you always have a gut feeling you'd do alright alone.

Well you'll be extremely glad to know that we have now learnt to communicate more in social circles and not look completely dumbfounded. Although, my friend, strictly between the two of us, we're still having trouble breaking through the darned introvert sometimes, but we try. we try.

Oh and a little heads up, find yourself a guitar and start playing it. right now. Because you're actually going to be pretty decent at it and yes all those years of miming Bob Marley is going to come in handy. However what you thought was quite a hip dance that he pulled off was actually the result of weed. Yes i know. not cool. not cool at all. You will however switch your foot around and discover a new motivation that will lift you up every single time. Confused? You'll find out in a couple of years.

I would also like to assure you that all the definite heart ache, disappointment, shock and depression you will definitely go through in the years to come should be welcomed with open arms. Now before you think it, no we're not emo, black fingernails, fringe hair, guy liner sporting non conformists eight years down the line. But I can tell you that all that experience will make you the better person. a.k.a me.

You'll find the ties that bind will be broken, you'll find that when they are broken it will result in you understanding how the world operates, for better or for worse. It will make you treasure the ones closest to you and make you realize that family is not all its cut out to be.

I know you must be pretty alarmed by now so just to reaffirm that your life's not a tunnel with out a light at the end.Yes. You will run into this amazing little soul that will change your life.A little ray of bright sunshine, who will understand all your quirky behavior and love you for it. She will change you in the best way possible. And don't worry, four years down the line and she's a keeper :)

So 16 year old sela, with this little insight I bid you good day. Hold your scrawny self straight and steady. Believe in yourself, and give yourself more credit than you do right now. I know that I wish we'd had a guiding hand when I was You but you know what, we're turned out alright :)

I'll see you at the finish line kiddo.

Muchos Love,
Me.

P.S : Yes we still ponder our future and talk to ourself while we take a dump early in the morning. Somethings just never change. ;)


Many thanks to Suri for tagging me and letting me do this. And I tag Alien in Singapore and Centre of Chaos to carry on the deed.

all my heads are tails.

Its not often that i give into negativity. In fact I think its ridonkulous how I fail to see the negative side of things sometimes. But lately I think I'm being beaten down into submission. It doesn't show on the outside but the heart's pretty heavy.

Now usually you would be able to pinpoint an exact thing in your life that is going haywire and you could try to fix it but at this point I'm pretty much a sitting duck from all possible sides and I got no where to run. I can't even sing my troubles away , like i usually do,because of a troublesome cough. Go figure.

The human condition is such that if there's hope we'll grab at it with both hands. I am currently looking for that. Hope, my friend, come around sometime, we need to grab a nice warm cup of tea and have a long chit chat sometime. Till then Switchfoot's new record "Hello Hurricane" is my saviour, heck it might even be the hope i'm looking for. "Hello Hurricane, you can't silence my love".

The One That Started It All.

So I wanna be able to come back to this post in a couple of years time and say this is the one that started it all. Whether that happens. Well it remains to be seen. I, like a majority of people i know, had avoided succumbing to the lure of blogging. I can very well understand the pros and cons of it, but I just felt uneasy knowing that I would be jotting down random perhaps meaningless thoughts and letting a bunch of strangers pick out pieces of me.

But as it happens, I got nothing better going on at the moment so I figured its better than roaming endlessly on the net at 2:00AM in the night wondering where my life is headed. So here I am. The One That Started It All.